Story originally submitted to Super Mario Portal on October 2nd, 2003.
One day in the Mushroom Kingdom, trouble was amuck (hehe, amuck), for Bowser was planning something evil.
Chapter 1
Bowser: Dammit! That was my last life!
*Bowser incinerates Gamecube*
Bowser: Magikoopa!
Magikoopa: What sir?
Bowser: Buy me another Gamecube and a copy of Tetris Worlds and rig it so I
can't lose!
Magikoopa: Yes sir!
Meanwhile in Mario's Hut.
*Mario is sleeping, Luigi is getting container of cold pasta from refrigerator*
*Mario suddenly awakes*
Mario: GET THE HELL OUTTA MY PASTA!!!!!!
Luigi: I swear.I didn't.I wouldn't.
*Mario beats Luigi to a bloody pulp then shovels down container full of cold
pasta*
Mario: Serves you right!
*Luigi begins to beg for death*
*Toad rushes through door*
Toad: Mario! Luigi! The Chancellor needs to talk to you immediately!!!
*Mario kicks Toad through window then leaves for Toadstool Town (Ain't I
creative?)*
*Mario and Luigi stand before the Chancellor*
Chancellor: Sit down.sit down.Now; sources indicate that Bowser is going to
attempt to cheat on Tetris Worlds.
*Horrified look appears on faces of Mario and Luigi*
Mario: Could it really be so?
Chancellor: I'm afraid so
Luigi: Waah! Waah!
Chancellor: That's where you come in
Mario: Oh, let me guess you want us to infiltrate Bowser's Castle, Stop him from
performing this fiendish act, and save the day!
Chancellor: No.actually I was going to ask you if you wanted my leftover bacon,
but, that sounds nice too
Mario: Whoopdy-friggin doo! All I need is another goddamned adventure!
Will Mario ever reach enlightenment?
Will Luigi ever overcome his fear of
Mario? Find out next time on A Twisted Mario Story!
Chapter 2
Chancellor: Sit down.sit down.Now; sources indicate that Bowser is
going to
attempt to cheat on Tetris Worlds.
Mario: Oh, let me guess you want us to infiltrate Bowser's Castle, Stop him
from performing this fiendish act, and save the day!
Chancellor: No.actually I was going to ask you if you wanted my leftover
bacon, but, that sounds nice too
Mario: Whoopdy-friggin doo! All I need is another goddamned adventure!
Today on A Twisted Mario Story:
Luigi: Do we still get the bacon?
Chancellor: No
Luigi: Why?
Chancellor: You get adventure
Luigi: Damn!
*Meanwhile just outside of town*
Yoshi: Can't we work this out?
Koopa 1#: No
Koopa 2#: You forgot to pay us back
Koopa 3#: We just forgot to let you live
*3 Koopas begin to beat up Yoshi*
Yoshi: Don't kill me, don't kill me, I've got an idea!
*3 Koopas suddenly pay attention to Yoshi*
Yoshi: What if I killed Mario for you?
Koopa 1#: Huh?
Yoshi: I'm his friend so he wouldn't suspect it
Koopa 2#: Sounds good to me
Koopa 3#: You got yourself a deal
*In Donut Plains*
Mario: (Stupid little mushroom-headed Chancellor...)
Yoshi: Hi guys!
Mario + Luigi: Hi Yoshi!
Yoshi: Can I accompany you in your adventure?
Mario: 'kay
Will Yoshi kill Mario and Luigi? Will Bowser succeed in his fiendish plot?
Find out next time!!!
Chapter 3
Last time on A Twisted Mario Story:
Yoshi: What if I killed Mario for you?
Koopa 3#: You got yourself a deal
*In Donut Plains*
Yoshi: Hi guys!
Mario + Luigi: Hi Yoshi!
Yoshi: Can I accompany you in your adventure?
Mario: 'kay
Today On A Twisted Mario Story:
Yoshi: So got any bacon?
Luigi: No, due to a certain someone who couldn't keep his mouth shut...
*Luigi stares at Mario*
*Mario kicks Luigi in the nuts*
Luigi: YOWSA!!!!!
Mario: I brought some pasta but it is for me and me only
*Mario stares at Luigi*
*Luigi runs behind Yoshi's back*
Yoshi: It seems to me that you two have some issues that need worked out
Luigi: Well in fact,
*Mario runs index finger across neck*
Luigi: Nothing is wrong!
Yoshi: We're nearing KeroKero Sewers (That one wasn't too shabby, now was
it?)
Mario: Good
*KeroKero Sewers*
Luigi: Isn't this great? Just the 3 of us out on an adventure to defeat an
evil villain!
Mario: Shut the hell up
Luigi: 'kay
Yoshi: Hey! Remember the very first time you went on an adventure to defeat
Bowser and save the Princess in Super Mario Bros.?
Mario: Oh yeah! Those were good times, wait, how would you know about that?
You weren't born yet!
Yoshi: Or was I?
*Mario and Luigi stare at Yoshi with a vacant expression on their faces*
Yoshi: No, you're right, I wasn't
Mario: Geez, how long does it take that author to write one friggin'
chapter?
Me: Don't worry I'm almost finished
Mario: Thank god!
Luigi: That was weird
Yoshi: Do you ever think that maybe we're just being typed on Microsoft
Word and then showcased on the internet?
*crickets chirp*
Luigi: I like graham crackers!
Mario: Good for you!
Mario: My ass hurts, why are you spanking it Luigi?
Luigi: It pleasures me
Why is Luigi so damn crazy? Is Yoshi the only (somewhat) sane one? Will
Mario and friends ever see Toad again? Find out next time on, A Twisted
Mario Story!
Chapter 4
Last time on A Twisted Mario Story:
Yoshi: Do you ever think that maybe we're just being typed on Microsoft
Word and then showcased on the internet?
*crickets chirp*
Luigi: I like graham crackers!
Mario: Good for you!
Mario: My ass hurts, why are you spanking it Luigi?
Luigi: It pleasures me
Today on A Twisted Mario Story:
Yoshi: Hey I thought I just saw Toad!
*Luigi hands Yoshi pills*
Yoshi: I don't need these Luigi
Luigi: Just tryin' to help out
Toad: SURPRISE!!!!!!!!
*Mario beats the hell outta Toad for scaring him*
Toad: (moan)
Toad: Can I help you on your,
Toad: (moan)
Toad: adventure
Mario: whatever
Toad: Yay!
*Luigi hugs Toad and gives him a hard slap on the booty*
Toad: That was weird...
Mario: I've got a serious question for you Luigi, are you gay?
Luigi: Uhh, no, I like girls, girls are hot (they're onto me)
Yoshi: Hey! I think that pipe will lead us out of the sewers!
*Mario and friends jump in warp pipe*
Mario: That was just a tad too easy
Luigi: I'm tired, can we set up camp?
Mario: Okay, then it's settled, tomorrow we leave for Vanilla Dome!
Yoshi: I'm gonna go plot your demise, I mean, set up my tent
Mario: That was strange
*While Mario, Luigi, and Toad are asleep*
Yoshi: Damn! All I needed was for Toad to join! Mario's tough enough on his
own, but when his brother and Toad are with him, they're pretty much
unbeatable, and on top of that, I think they're onto me!
Yoshi: I can't kill them!
Yoshi: But perhaps these can,
*Yoshi picks up canister full of flesh-eating Koopa Larva
Yoshi: I think I'll release them onto their beds
*Yoshi does so*
Yoshi: Now, for a little sleep
*That morning*
Luigi: Yoshi! Wake up!
Yoshi: WHAT?! YOU'RE ALIVE?! I mean what a pleasant surprise
Luigi: This morning when we woke up we found a bunch of animal skeletons
outside our tent, weird, huh?
Yoshi: Uhh, yeah, weird
Luigi: I mean, if whatever killed those animals wasn't there, we could all
be dead right now!
*Yoshi gets crazed look in his eyes*
Luigi: Well, we're having breakfast outside if you want to join us
Yoshi: uhhhh, okay, I'll, uhh, be outside in a minute
Will Yoshi ever succeed in killing Mario and friends? Will Mario find out
Yoshi's ambitions? Find out next time on, A Twisted Mario Story!
Chapter 5
Last time on A Twisted Mario Story:
Luigi: I mean, if whatever killed those animals wasn't there, we could all
be dead right now!
*Yoshi gets crazed look in his eyes*
Luigi: Well, we're having breakfast outside if you want to join us
Yoshi: uhhhh, okay, I'll, uhh, be outside in a minute
Today on A Twisted Mario Story:
Mario: Is everybody ready to head to Vanilla Dome?
Luigi: It depends; will I get kicked in the nuts again?
Mario: Maybe
Luigi: uhhh
Toad: Mashed Potatoes make me horny
Yoshi: Dude, what you just said is even weirder than the kind of stuff
Luigi does
Luigi: Michael Jackson is hot!
Yoshi: I stand corrected
Mario: Let's get moving or else I'll slit your chests open and eat your
organs raw
*Luigi, Yoshi, and Toad run away in panic*
Mario: Just jokin'
Yoshi: What the hell was that all about?
Mario: I just like playin' with you, but seriously, we need to go
*Vanilla Dome*
Toad: Its frickin' cold in here
Luigi: Why don't we get a little closer to warm us up then?
Yoshi: Seems reasonable
*Everybody gets real close to each other*
Luigi: (Excellent, everything is going according to plan)
Yoshi: What was that?
Luigi: Oh, nothing
Mario: Hey everybody! Look a Megakoopa! Let's fight it!
*Everybody backs away from Mario*
Mario: Fine! More fun for me!
*Mario skips up to the Megakoopa and gets swallowed by it*
Toad: We should probably help him
Yoshi: I don't think we should, I mean, I was gonna kill him anyways
*Everybody stares at Yoshi*
Yoshi: I mean, toast is good!
Luigi: Yeah, toast is good
Toad: I agree
Luigi: Well, let's go save my brother
Will they save Mario? Will another member be added to the party? Will everybody
finally get over their differences and be best buds til' the end
of time? Find out next time on, A Twisted Mario Story!
Chapter 6
Last time on A Twisted Mario Story:
*Mario skips up to the Megakoopa and gets swallowed by it*
Toad: We should probably help him
Yoshi: I don't think we should, I mean, I was gonna kill him anyways
*Everybody stares at Yoshi*
Today on A Twisted Mario Story:
Mario: Whew, it's slimy down here
Brad: 'Sup
Mario: BRAD PITT??!!!
Brad: Yeah, I've been down here for about a month constantly avoiding
digestion
Mario: Well what have you eaten?
Brad: Whatever comes down here
Mario: What have you had to drink?
*Camera zooms in on Brad*
Brad: Stomach acid
*Camera zooms out*
Mario: tight
Mario: Wanna fistfight?
Brad: Hell yeah!
*Mario and Brad begin to beat the crap out of each other*
Mario: Wow! You're a big-time asshole just like me! Wanna join my party?
Brad: sure, I could make a movie about it, it would be called, "Mario & Me"
of course, you would be played by Jim Belushi
Mario: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??!!!! I wanna be played by Danny
Devito
Brad: okeydoke
*Meanwhile, on the outside*
Toad: How're we going to get Mario out?
Luigi: I don't know, but you look awfully scrumdiddlyumptious today Toad
Toad: uhhhhh, thanks
Yoshi: It's simple; all we have to do is kill the Megakoopa
Toad: I think Mario's already proven that that doesn't work
Yoshi: It will if you and Luigi do it
Luigi: Oh, I would love to do it with Toad!
Yoshi: ewwww
Toad: Why not you?
Yoshi: Because I'm trying to kill you, I mean I'm trying to, nill, you?
Toad: What does nill mean?
Luigi: Ooh! Isn't that when a man licks another man's nipples?
*Toad steps away from Luigi*
Yoshi: Okay! Just kill the Megakoopa because I told you to!
Toad & Luigi: Aye aye sir!
*Toad and Luigi run up to the Megakoopa and kill it miraculously*
Yoshi: How'd they do that?
Mario: Thank god we're out
Brad: Yeah
Luigi: OH MY GOSH! IT'S BRAD PITT! OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH!
Mario: Weird
Toad: But expected
Yoshi: Yeah
Have our heroes escaped from danger? Will Luigi go out with Brad Pitt! Will
Yoshi be driven insane? Find out next time on A Twisted Mario Story!!!